Sometimes you take a wrong turn. Sometimes you take a really wrong turn. And sometimes you take such a wrong turn that an astronaut stops what he’s doing, stares at you, and quietly reconsiders his career choices.
Tony’s Accidental Lunar Road Trip
I glanced at my wife. She shrugged. I shrugged. The Fiat shrugged in Italian.
A soft whoomp of gravity loss later, we were cruising across the Moon’s surface, seatbelts on, sunglasses glowing with reflected starlight. The Earth hung overhead like a giant blue porch light someone forgot to turn off.
Up ahead, an astronaut froze mid‑moonwalk, staring at our car like he’d just seen a possum driving a lawnmower.
I rolled down the window.
“Morning,” I said.
He pointed at the tires. “You… you can’t drive here.”
I nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think I missed my exit.”
The astronaut sighed the sigh of a man who trained for ten years for this mission and still wasn’t prepared for Alabama drivers showing up unannounced.
“Just… watch out for the craters,” he said.
I gave him a thumbs‑up, dropped the Fiat into gear, and continued my scenic lunar loop, because honestly? The parking was fantastic.
Visit the Moon!
A Totally Real Travel Brochure for My Accidental Lunar Drive
Welcome, Earthling! You’ve arrived at the Moon — the only destination where the views are breathtaking and the speed limits are merely suggestions.
Top Attractions
- Sea of Tranquility Scenic Byway
Perfect for top‑down cruising. Zero humidity. Infinite vibes. - Historic Apollo 11 Landing Site
Great photo ops. Please do not honk at the astronauts. - Lunar Lander Gift Shop
Bring home a moon rock! (Limit one per customer. NASA is watching.)
Driving Tips for the Moon
- Low‑gravity handling — expect excellent gas mileage and terrible traction.
- Avoiding craters — they’re basically potholes that went to college.
- Night sky navigation — GPS may attempt to unionize. Use stars instead.
Dining Options
- The Mare Crisium Café
Try the freeze‑dried cheese grits. Surprisingly decent. - Earthrise Diner
Breakfast served all 27.3 days.
Souvenirs to Bring Home
- Moon dust snow globes
- Zero‑gravity postcards
- Astronaut‑approved bumper stickers
Next time I’ll pay closer attention to the GPS.
Or maybe I won’t.
Hopefully I'll at least check whether it’s set to “lunar.”
My mom always joked she needed to tie a string to the roof of my car so I could find my way home. After last night’s drive, I’m starting to think she's going to need a longer string. And maybe a telescope.
No comments:
Post a Comment